(Non) Captain's Corner: 6/8 road trip to Hartford

Each week, we speak with team Captain Matt "Howitzer" Lungariello on the game of the week. But Matt wasn't there this weekend and I feared other captains and Team Prez Vigorito wouldn't respond to my interview requests in time for my self-imposed deadline of today. So instead, I interviewed Ginger Kirkpatrick (pictured above). He's not a captain or anything, but I knew he'd respond to my e-mail comparatively quickly.

KEEP IT VINTAGE: I know you're not a captain but I'm interviewing you for the Captain's Corner this week, since Matt wasn't there and the other guys take too long to respond to my e-mails.

Why do I think you will respond more quickly?
GINGER: I don't know because, in truth, I'm actually quite busy. You have to understand, I'm kind of a big deal.

KIV: So what went wrong with the guys the other day?

G: Aside from several missing people, nothing, really. We just played a better team. They could rake. Brian and I kept saying, "Oh, geez" as we watched yet another dart sail deep into the gap. But Kurt braved it out on the mound, and I believe added 3 hits. He's really been hitting some nice line drives, which is what we need in this lineup. Cap filled in at short and then pitched, and Matty "the Conspicuous Canine" Ayotte pitched a scoreless inning in relief. Brian had the hit of the day, when he temporarily felled the leftfielder and possibly threatened his offspring. And Gozer scored something called a "run."

KIV: Do you think the switching between rules has any impact on the team?
G: Nah. Come on, we gotta be able to play '80s ball, too. What do we need, a tee?

KIV: (Well I just meant you need more pitchers and catchers, your pitchers have to be able to work the strike zone more not to mention fielders and hitters have to be adjusted to higher speed of play, but moving on...) Do you think there's any chance Obama chooses me as his runningmate?
G: Well, some say he should pick a woman to help broaden his appeal. So, yes.

KIV: Another rule switch this weekend. How do you think the boys will hold up?
G: I'm not even sure what the '70s game - or as I call it, "Ulysses S. Grant" ball - consists of. Is it like 60s ball, but now freed slaves can play, too? Carpetbaggers get only 2 strikes? Players are subject to random testing for morphine use? (These late 19th-century jokes doing anything for you?)

KIV: Well, no...